My free time this month is severely constricted due to my participation in NaNoWriMo (nano-wry-mo) which basically means that i have 30 days to complete a 50,000 word novella. www.nanowrimo.org
so far i'm in 8 days and have only completed 5500 words, marking me severely behind the recommended word count. plus i have to travel 2 weeks this month, straining my resources in the harshest way.
my novel sucks, don't even ask what it's about, and i am wondering how authors can pen the tales of main characters that they don't even like. reading and criticizing is much more my game than authoring... but still i press on!!! i am going to win this fucking thing b/c it's about Quantity not Quality. i'll have december and january to re-write.
and yes, Big Time, i am single again and fucking don't ask me about it b/c i am super fucking heartbroken and totally bewildered about the whole deal and fighting stronger than ever to just get on with life and jump back on the proverbial horse and continue finding joy in living. i was so happy and i still have to be so... but without the light i found in Beer Guy.
the beer guy dumped me unceremoniously on july 15. we had spent so much time and so many laughs together and i still don't understand ANYTHING about it. the not knowing is rough.
he recently sent me the Meanest Email on Earth b/c i would occasionally email him. yeah, i'm tough but yeah, it hurts. but you know what/??? i've just dodged a bullet. instead of spending a long amount of time in a relationship going nowhere (he calls his ex of 10 years "my wife,") i've been set free by an immature manipulator who was brave enough to let me go so that he could spend some more time examining his wounds and dealing with his own issues. i miss him every day. the truth is that i still love him. he made me so happy and every day was a joy from march through june... but that's not enough to build a life on so he's gone... and i only cry occasionally-- like today at the salon. i haven't had my hair cut since May-- when we were still together-- and today my stylist asked me if i was still with Michael. she asked me this while shampooing my hair.
and i felt the goddamn tears rolling into my ears with my head over the bowl.
it was weird b/c she is the COOLEST and her b-day is Aug 27 (mine is Aug 28). her husband's b-day is April 30, (beer guy's was May 1). we used to comment how our signs just 'meshed' and Virgo and Taurus get along swimmingly.
so now we had to go over why the zodiac didn't work for me.
and i let her chop my hair shorter than it should be.
I'm considering going red.
i brave on, and i'll talk to you all in december. Andrew, Dirty Martini, Melly-- love ya.
Posted at 11/8/2007 5:49:53 pm by gak
November 9, 2007 09:37 AM PST
Hey hon, thank so much for helping out my dear daughter last weekend. I had a good time with it on Friday night, I hope you did too. Let's get together for that drink we always talk about and never drink in December when your life is calmer. Sorry that your heart is broken. Sometimes I think it's all an illusion anyhow.
November 9, 2007 04:07 PM PST
ill miss you, though ive missed you since march, but i understand.
i would actually really like to chat/email you sometime when you have more time.
heck i need to get out of this state, i should let you know the next time we are down there, maybe you could show us around town.
November 10, 2007 10:07 PM PST
G, you know I love you and care about you! I LOVE you red, so go there.
November 13, 2007 01:31 AM PST
Just asking because I think you are smoking hot!!! You posted your picture a while back. I think thatís about the time I started being nice to you, remember? If it takes you 2 weeks to replace beer guy itís only because you arenít trying.
November 13, 2007 09:51 PM PST
Hang tough and everything will get better. Good luck with the novella!
December 14, 2007 06:36 PM PST
I know it's a cliche thing to say, but better to find out now than later. And atleast you were able to create some new fun memories. You'll make more one day and find the right guy...but even if you don't, you're a fantastic person and you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I vote for red, too. The trick is finding the right shade. I've tried them all! In fact, I'm due for more. Thanks for the reminder. It will be my birthday present to myself!
Love and hugs to you, girl!