Monday, July 07, 2008
Goodbye match.com - til we meet again
I'm sure i'll probably be sucked back to the mothership of online dating, scratch.com, but for now it's sayonara sickos. No more winks from 59 year old el camino drivers.
I think it's getting worse- my good attitude towards dating lasted only 3 days or so before I realized why I hate online dating. All the old pervs!
I've still got a week on my subscription but I officially cancelled the membership today.... when asked, "What can we do to make finding love easier?" I replied,
Love does not equal dates. I realize you have to work with "love" as a marketing tool, but it's pretty funny to equate love with chatting to people online.
Also, you should be able to block certain users from seeing your profile. Not only individual users but entire towns.
Posted at 7/7/2008 2:25:29 pm by gak
Friday, June 20, 2008
So it's Day Whatever of my newfound attempt at DATING again, aka being on stupid match.com.
I haven't logged in. I haven't emailed anyone back. A beam of light descended from the internet heavens and I remembered why match wasn't for me in the first place. I would so much rather hang out at www.etsy.com to wonder at the universe of handmade goodness. SO TALENTED! I would rather buy my favorite perfume (Hanae Mori) from www.fragrancenet.com, I would rather laugh at www.fark.com and get my fashion inspirado from www.thesartorialist.com.
When I'm reading my messages at match I cringe at the profiles and the horrible emails I've been receiving. Spelling errors, I don't even care about (remember Beer Guy? couldn't spell his name if he was on round one of the Scripps spelling bee) I cringe but I also wish everyone the best. The more love there is in the world, the better the world is! It's only natural to want to find a life partner, so there! My life is still good without a husband but it's the order of things to want to seek a mate. Children aren't for everyone and that's ok, but I desire to be a mother more than I desire to be the best software trainer I can be.
The hilarious part is that after 2 days of not logging-in the emails stopped. It's like everyone is so desperate for immediate gratification that if your profile shows something other than "Active Within 24 hours" or "Online Now" the people don't even bother. Even the loser-riddled 'winks' have ceased.
In one way, Hooray!~ In another way, I can't help but take this as a sign that online matery just isn't my cup of tea.
So sigh, blah blah, here I am on a Friday night watering my geraniums and begonias, daisies (my fave) and reading on my back porch while my kitties play in the grass.
It's the summer solstice and it's a great day, things are good and life is beautiful.
Posted at 6/20/2008 7:17:55 pm by gak
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
completely lost my tolerance of fat people. Seriously. I am sick of
the excuses that overweight people make. I am sick of the "oh woe is
me" attitude. I am sick of the laziness. If I can get off my butt
and run around in 90 degree weather while having a serious health
issue, than people who carry some extra poundage can get off their butts and at
least attempt to take a walk.
Take my friend CareBear. She's 60 pounds overweight (so she says -
frankly, I think she's full of cr@p and is more like 80, but that's neither
here nor there). CareBear will not get up in the morning and walk unless
I call her and pretty much beg her to get out of bed. I got news for you,
CareBear - I don't particularly enjoy walking with you when I could be running with
my dog, and I am not your mother. Plus, you NEVER shut up. You just
carry on and on and ON about how much you hate your job, your life, how much
your xBF wronged you. I don't even WANT to call you to get out
of bed because for me it's de-motivation. How am I supposed to get over a
breakup when you're still biatching about yours from December '06???
Get your own sorry arse up and out of bed and take yourself for a walk. I'm not here to beg you to walk, or coax you,
or convince you. I don't see anyone coaxing me out of bed. Oh, wait,
that's right - I don't NEED anyone to coax me out of bed. I have a little
something we call self -discipline. Funny how that works - it's the same
thing that keeps me from sitting in my condo with the air cranked to 68 degrees
while sitting on the couch like Jabba the Hut shoving brownies into my mouth while
watching Dancing with the Stars.
"I don't want to go out to dinner, " she says, "I'm not all cute
like you." You know what, you're right, CareBear dear. You're
a big girl. If I saw you in a pasture, I'd call you in with the other
cows for the morning milking session. Being spiteful isn't helping your
cause - it's just making you look like a jealous, miserable fat cow.
Muffin tops are not cute. Popover tops are even worse. Admit that
you are a substantially larger person that you were last summer and buy clothes
that fit. An no - fat people clothes are not cute, so that should be incentive
to get off your arse and lose some weight. I know I wouldn't want to wear
"How can you drive around in this heat with the top down?" she asked
me the other day. Well, CareBear dear, it's simple: 1. You get your
arse out in the heat and acclimate yourself. 2. You shed the fat from
your body and find that you can tolerate the heat.
classic: "I wish I could have my gallbladder removed so I could shed
weight and become a skinny biatch like you." WOMAN, yes, I am
skinny. I will give you that. But the only reason I am a BIATCH is because
you annoy the pi$$ out of me thinking that JUST because I had surgery that I've
lost weight. Never mind the morning runs, or the multiple tennis games per
week in the Georgia
heat, or the 3 hours I spend riding on Sundays (in the GA heat).
So she asks me to contact my xBF Jeff (bariatric surgeon) so she can get a Lap
Band. Jeff says she's not heavy enough and should make a lifestyle
change. CAN YOU BELIEVE THE BIATCH ACTUALLY TOLD ME SHE'D JUST GAIN THE
WEIGHT SO SHE COULD GET THE SURGERY???? There is no magic pill, no magic
surgery, no voodoo curse that can make you lose weight. Diet and
exercise. That's it.
NO GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!
Posted at 6/18/2008 2:37:55 pm by Nibs
Friday, June 13, 2008
Some things are best written, but not sent. And that is where I find myself at this moment - with a page full of words that are best left to be just that - words on a page:
I spent yesterday trying to piece together my feelings and
understand what has been going on. And the only thing I can figure is that what
we had wasn’t love at all. And it
saddens me, but relieves me at the same time.
You must have known this during these entire 6 weeks. Perhaps you ended this because, on your end,
it was merely an infatuation, while on my end it was real, altruistic love? Infatuation dies after a few months, but love
lives on and on and on. And real,
honest-to-God, feel it from your head to your toes love DOES conquer all. All I ever asked for from this relationship
was love. And I honestly thought that
was what I had. But now, as the reality
sets in, I’m not so sure.
My love for you conquered my fears of falling in love – you meant
more to me than every ounce of pain from my past. I pitched my fear of committing because my
love for you was more powerful than my fear of being left behind or abandoned. That is love.
Being vulnerable in front of your partner – that is love. Sharing your feelings and thoughts, telling
your partner why you hurt – that is love.
Telling you about my mother and how much it hurt to lose her – that was
both love and trust. But you never told
me anything that bothered you, despite my asking. Was it that you didn’t trust me, or was it
that you just didn’t love me? These are
the things that pain me now. Not the end
of the relationship – I don’t even know if it was real anymore. And that is why I am so sad.
There are so many things that I know about you. You love Missoni and D&G. And any accent items for yourself or your
house in gold. “Lovesong” by The Cure
makes you cry every time you hear it, and the song Relax by Mika makes you
think. You love those goofy fantasy
novels and your favorite TV show is King of Hill. You love La Tavola, hate olives, and drink
Kir Royales. You love 80’s music and Dr.
Dre, when you hear Justin Timberlake you think about Cara. You love Italy so much that sometimes I
think you wish you were Italian. You’re
very picky about your olive oil and balsamic.
You dilute your POM juice. You prefer
Orange San Pelligrino to Orangina. You love
California. You collect frogs and have this whole “frog
prince” thing going. You want a
motorcycle but are torn between spending the money, the safety aspects, and the
midlife crisis thing. And if you get
one, it will most likely be Italian. And
you’ll probably go overboard and get the one that has the flag on it, too.
But you don’t really know much about me. You couldn’t even remember where we had our
first date. To me, it was unforgettable, but to you – I don’t even want to speculate
what it was or wasn’t to you.
What I do know is this.
I want love. Real, honest-to-God,
comes from deep inside-the-heart love.
The kind of love that overlooks my flaws. The kind of love that trusts me. Confides in me. Shares hopes and fears with me. The kind of love that grows and grows over
time – not the kind that hits a speedbump at the 6 month mark and runs
My heart is so big and I have so much to offer, and I want
to find love more than anything in this world, but it has to be real. I have to believe that the love is real. And I honestly don’t know if what we had was
real anymore. And that is why I’m so
disappointed. So crushed and hurt. And
that is why I needed to just go away.
Because you keep telling me you love me, but I don’t understand
Posted at 6/13/2008 11:49:06 am by Nibs
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Suck My Boobs
Sorry, Tourette's got me there. I'm just feeling so ornery! Lonely mammaries.
Yesterday was Day One of 30 days of Dating Again. That's right folks, I'm cultivating a positive attitude and going to try one month of match.com. Of course, this is Day Two and my chipper outlook hasn't failed me yet! I mean seriously try it this time. I want to have fun. I want to meet people I would normally not consider. I want to go out to dinner and laugh and not be falling down drunk.
So far I've received correspondence from a computer rocker and a 5 year old black man. The computer rocker has hair down to his butt which appears in need of a trimming. My goal: to go out with him and perhaps clean up the ends, followed by a deep conditioning treatment. The black man has bags under his eyes which are large enough to necessitate handles.
My long-term goal: To make back my $35 the match.com subscription cost me.
I'm going to go out with men I normally wouldn't. I'm going to broaden my horizons. I'm going to reformat my memory disk and possibly even date men whose last book read was _The DaVinci Code_.
I think Nibs is trying a similar experiment on eHARM. Let's roll the dice and see what happens! It might be the summer of Yahtzee.
Posted at 6/10/2008 8:56:14 am by gak
Monday, April 14, 2008
The First Date
Rarely is a first date a memorable experience for me. With the convenience of online dating and the ease of selection, most first encounters have been reduced to a quick coffee meeting at Starbuck's or an evening happy hour meetup for a drink or two. So I was completely thrown off my game when I was invited to the botanical garden for a Saturday afternoon stroll through the new orchid exhibit. As an added bonus, he suggested that dinner in the evening would be nice should there be a mutual interest.
Part 1 – Botanical Garden
The garden changed their entrance and I ended up running a little late due to the detour. In my hurried state, I made a gross navigational error while parking the car and slammed the front bumper up and over the parking curb. After cringing and uttering a worrisome, "Oh shit," I stepped out of the car, walked over to the bumper and bent down to my knees and checked it out. It had a few thick gouges, but nothing too terribly noticeable. I got up, shrugged my shoulders, flipped my hair and blew it off. What else was I supposed to do? The damage was done.
I briskly walked up to the garden entrance to meet up with my date. After sitting down on a bench at the entrance, I tried my best to look calm despite my recent parking debacle. However, deep down my stomach was doing these crazy flip flops – why was I such a nervous wreck? Was it the parking incident? Or was it the fact that I was on an honest-to-God real date instead of the usual coffee klatch interview?
And then I caught him out of the corner of my eye. At that moment it became absolutely clear to me why I was such a spastic mess. He was absolutely gorgeous! And for a moment I felt as though I stepped outside of my body and was assessing this situation from the sidelines, asking myself, "What on earth are you doing on this date? There isn't a handicap in the world that could put you on the same playing field as this guy. You are batting out of your league! Run!!!"
But I couldn't budge. I tried, but I was somehow momentarily glued to that bench – right up to the point where he was standing right in front of me. I'm sure he was wondering why I was being so rude by not getting up to greet him. I scurried up from the bench and gave him one of those awkward half hug greetings – enough for me to look over his shoulder and mouth "Oh my God," take a deep breath, and regain some kind of composure. "It's great to see you," I uttered. And into the botanical garden we went.
After about 15 minutes of strolling through the gardens, we entered the building that houses all of the tropical plants. We were chatting and strolling along when all of a sudden my heel became lodged between the cracks of a wooden bridge. I tried to just keep walking, figuring the force would just pull it out, but I was out of luck. I was stuck! And I remember feeling like such a helpless, clumsy moron as I frantically blurted out, "Um, my foot is stuck!"
Now, what happened next truly amazed me. My ever-so-dashing date leaned down, told me to put my hand on his shoulder to stabilize myself to keep from falling, and he gently dislodged my heel from the bridge.
I was in a momentary state of shock, mouth gaping wide open. Most guys would have made a comment about me being a klutz and would have watched me struggle, but not this guy. He unstuck my heel without uttering a word, and that was the end of it. And to think I'd always been told that chivalry was dead! As I stood there in wonderment, heart fluttering uncontrollably, I thought to myself, "Is this how Cinderella felt when the prince brought her back her lost shoe?" Because the moment was definitely like something out of a fairy tale. I mean, guys like this just didn't exist.
As luck would have it, there was a second bridge in the tropical garden. And, as I'm sure you've guessed, my stupid heel found its way into that crack, too. But he recognized it immediately, dutifully leaned over again and freed me from the bridge. Note to self: never wear heels to the Botanical Garden!
I decided that perhaps now was the perfect time to warn him that I'm a relatively clumsy person. Probably not the best thing to mention on a first date, but I figured by now it was abundantly clear. So I told him that I drove up over the curb when I parked the car. "I know," he said, "I was parked right next to you and saw you do it."
He saw me smack the curb. And he probably heard my, "Oh shit," since the top was down and I was kind of loud. Better yet, he saw me get out of the car, bend over and look at the bumper, get up, shrug it off, and worst of all FLIP MY HAIR and walk away. How freaking embarrassing. I'm sure I turned ten shades of red right then and there - I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.
"Your bumper is fine – I wouldn't worry about it," he said. And he left it at that. I couldn't tell if he found my clumsiness to be annoying or charming at this point – it was impossible to get a read off of him.
We continued our stroll through the outdoor gardens, but the temperature was dropping and it was getting late. And we'd pretty much scoured every corner of the place. The thing is, I didn't want that date to end, but I didn't know if he felt the same way. I mean, I'd sort of made an idiot out of myself between the bridges and the whole parking incident.
He walked me to my car and we just stood there making small talk. The entire time I kept asking myself, "Is there going to be a Part 2 to this date, or does the buck stop here?" And after about 10 minutes of chit chatting, I couldn't wait anymore and I blurted out, "So, are you going to ask me to join you for dinner or not?" STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!!! What on earth was I doing? Why did I always have to cut to the chase? Give a guy a chance, crazy girl!
Honestly, he seemed a bit relieved. The thing is, I'd apparently psyched myself out so much that I'd been giving him the 'I'm not that interested" vibe, when the reality was that I could have stood there all afternoon and into the night gazing into his big blue eyes. And after we solidified our dinner plans, he leaned in and gave me the sweetest kiss. And I was hooked!
Part 2: Dinner
He called me as I was walking toward the restaurant. "Oh, I see you walking this way," he said. And as I looked up, there he was. 20 feet in front of me. Dressed head to toe in black (my favorite) and wearing a beautiful new Missoni coat that he'd just picked up on his trip back home. He looked completely stunning. I remember stopping for a second, jaw dropping slightly (God, I can make an idiot out of myself sometimes), and just looking at him from afar. Then, as though a brick had been chucked at the side of my head to bring me back to reality, I snapped back to it and continued walking toward him.
I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. God, did he smell good! And the butterflies started coming back to my stomach. "Oh, God, control yourself!" I told myself, thinking back to the number of times that a bad bout of verbal diarrhea had interfered with the success of a date. But the "dating gods" were on my side on this particular evening, and I was able to control myself and maintain my composure.
Our table wasn't ready, so we took a walk through the Highlands and spent a little time browsing through the little boutiques. That took some of the pressure off being seated immediately, and gave me a wonderful diversion – SHOPPING!!! I still had that nervous energy, but it was starting to subside and I could feel myself finally calming down a little. Thank God.
After about thirty minutes, we headed to the restaurant and were promptly seated in our booth. And there he was – right in front of me. And suddenly, I didn't feel as nervous anymore. His eyes sparkled in the dim lights of the restaurant as he told me about his recent visit home. He was interesting, intelligent, funny, and confident, and he had an incredible sense of style, was extremely attractive and sophisticated. I wanted to know anything and everything about this man – I was completely intrigued. And somehow I felt completely intoxicated even though I'd not yet ordered a drink.
Time flew by, and before I knew it we'd finished dessert and it was time to go. And while I wasn't really ready to bid him goodnight, I knew it had been a long day for him having just returned from Europe the day before. Fortunately, I'd parked on one of the neighborhood streets a few blocks away from the restaurant, which gave him the opportunity to walk me to my car.
After a few minutes of small talk came that moment of truth – the goodnight kiss - the moment that you both anticipate and fear at the same time. Would there be any chemistry? Or would it just be another disappointing kiss?
He leaned in toward me, and as our lips met I felt the most amazing sensation – I was enveloped by this incredible wave of euphoria. It was as though we were standing still and the earth was spinning wildly out of control around us. And that moment was absolutely amazing! And despite the passing cars and pedestrians, we stood outside that car on that dimly lit street for a good thirty minutes. And every kiss was more magical and ethereal than the first. And it became clear to me that this wasn't a dream. It wasn't a fairy tale, either. It was a reality. My reality.
But the true reality was that it was getting very late and like all good things, the date had to come to an end. I drove him back to the corner where his car was parked and he gave me one last kiss goodbye before stepping out of the car. God, it was so hard to let him go. I remember blowing him a kiss – he blew one right back to me – and I drove home.
On the drive home that night the air seemed fresher, the sky appeared to be clearer, and the stars shone brighter than they had in a long time. And I realized I was completely smitten.
Posted at 4/14/2008 5:45:37 pm by Nibs
Thursday, November 08, 2007
one last update for november for all 3 of you who care
My free time this month is severely constricted due to my participation in NaNoWriMo (nano-wry-mo) which basically means that i have 30 days to complete a 50,000 word novella. www.nanowrimo.org
so far i'm in 8 days and have only completed 5500 words, marking me severely behind the recommended word count. plus i have to travel 2 weeks this month, straining my resources in the harshest way.
my novel sucks, don't even ask what it's about, and i am wondering how authors can pen the tales of main characters that they don't even like. reading and criticizing is much more my game than authoring... but still i press on!!! i am going to win this fucking thing b/c it's about Quantity not Quality. i'll have december and january to re-write.
and yes, Big Time, i am single again and fucking don't ask me about it b/c i am super fucking heartbroken and totally bewildered about the whole deal and fighting stronger than ever to just get on with life and jump back on the proverbial horse and continue finding joy in living. i was so happy and i still have to be so... but without the light i found in Beer Guy.
the beer guy dumped me unceremoniously on july 15. we had spent so much time and so many laughs together and i still don't understand ANYTHING about it. the not knowing is rough.
he recently sent me the Meanest Email on Earth b/c i would occasionally email him. yeah, i'm tough but yeah, it hurts. but you know what/??? i've just dodged a bullet. instead of spending a long amount of time in a relationship going nowhere (he calls his ex of 10 years "my wife,") i've been set free by an immature manipulator who was brave enough to let me go so that he could spend some more time examining his wounds and dealing with his own issues. i miss him every day. the truth is that i still love him. he made me so happy and every day was a joy from march through june... but that's not enough to build a life on so he's gone... and i only cry occasionally-- like today at the salon. i haven't had my hair cut since May-- when we were still together-- and today my stylist asked me if i was still with Michael. she asked me this while shampooing my hair.
and i felt the goddamn tears rolling into my ears with my head over the bowl.
it was weird b/c she is the COOLEST and her b-day is Aug 27 (mine is Aug 28). her husband's b-day is April 30, (beer guy's was May 1). we used to comment how our signs just 'meshed' and Virgo and Taurus get along swimmingly.
so now we had to go over why the zodiac didn't work for me.
and i let her chop my hair shorter than it should be.
I'm considering going red.
i brave on, and i'll talk to you all in december. Andrew, Dirty Martini, Melly-- love ya.
Posted at 11/8/2007 5:49:53 pm by gak
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Catty and Superficial -- Celebs I Can't Stand
(in no particular order)
the parents on 90210
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Grey's new nose
Oprah's friend Gayle
Paris Hilton-- DUH
I used to have some others on the list but I've taken them back. Example: Kirstie Alley used to really annoy me in the Pier 1 commercials but since they dropped her she's ok again.
What are some others? I know this is negative so let's add a few "Celebs I Love."
Mary Louise Parker
Eliot on Scrubs
Sometimes loving or hating celebrities is all you have to hold onto...
Posted at 10/17/2007 11:00:17 am by gak
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
tappity tap tap
well i just got back from my first tap dancing class at a new studio. for the past 2 weeks i had been taking at a super crappy place (in an old run down POST OFFICE) whose idea of tap dance is hoofing it to Beyonce. Seriously. I was astonished that to attract a more urban crowd the teacher put on music that did NOT work with tap... but of course it was quite funny b/c when we registered (me and a friend Amy from work) we asked the desk-girl, "What's the makeup of the class like?" and she said, "Oh it's very diverse." We were excited, thinking that we weren't going to be the old farts in class and said, "Awesome! So there are lots of different ages here?" and she said back, "Well, you two are the reason it's diverse."
hahaha. so that meant we were the old farts in class.
anyway, i'm not the old fart in the new class... there are two ladies in their 50s, me, and then 5 other girls about 13-16 years old. am i crazy that i like to talk to the teens more than the older ladies?
i sweated my ass off and was told that my appearance in the recital is optional. thank god!!! it sounds a lot like Dive Club. The only difference is i couldn't really talk about Dive Club... but Tap Club i'm going to gush about.
p.s. tonight before class i was filling up with overpriced gas and a woman with a hickey the size of a COASTER asked me for $2.00. she said "we've gotta get home. Please!!" and so i bought the meth-head $2.50 worth of gas. i'm a dumbass but at least i knew they couldn't sell the gas from the pump for crystal. guess i was trying to give humanity the benefit of the doubt.
Posted at 10/16/2007 9:02:36 pm by gak
Sunday, October 14, 2007
A New Start
Last week i noticed something strange and beautiful on my back deck. Can you guess what it is?
I googled the hell out of "green +gold +insect +sac" and after sifting through about 20 pest control companies in Sacramento, found out that it's a MONARCH CHRYSALIS!
i watched her every day... amazed at the life growing on my shitty usually-indoor palm tree... and by Friday night had realized she was darkening... you could see the wings forming...
By Friday night/ Saturday early AM I was ecstatic... took my flashlight out for a quick photo but apparently i don't know how to properly use my camera. Next time, SWF
I will defer to your photographic genius instead of fumbling for my Canon Power Shot alone!!
Anyway, by Saturday morning at 8 am I had already missed the struggle to emerge from the chrysalis. But i was nonetheless awe-stricken with the beauty of new life before me.
It was one of the most amazing experiences I've had... watching this brave creature cling to a discarded houseplant and grow strong...
Plus, now she's on her way to MEXICO!
Have a margarita for me, baby.
Posted at 10/14/2007 6:01:37 pm by gak